I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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