She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
