Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
