And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
