genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
