The maid of honor just puked.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
