she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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