Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
