I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
