My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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