I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
