i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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