I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm passing your future prison.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
