Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
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After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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