Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
