I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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