Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
