Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
