Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
