garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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