Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
