seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
