Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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