someone get that fucking seahorse.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
