So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
