12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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