so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
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You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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