in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
