The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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