This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
