Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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