Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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