Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
