At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
