Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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