tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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