I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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