I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
