get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
