Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
