oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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