Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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