Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
