the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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