If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
