there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
