Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
