just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
