I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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