Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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