Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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