I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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