I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
