I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
