Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
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it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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