Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
