Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
