How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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