I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You were trust falling into bushes
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
