i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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