I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
