a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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