like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
