this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
