By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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