you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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