I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
