im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
