I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
