Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
