Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
