did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
