The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
