I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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