literally had 100 drinks last night.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize