who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
