plz talk dirty to me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
