i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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