Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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