you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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