I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I lost the right to judge tonight
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
