someone threw a dead crab at me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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