Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
